


All Else

by mag_and_mac



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Hurt Peter, Late Night Writing, Peter Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, References to Depression, Triggers, Whump, sorry - Freeform, spider baby, trigger warning, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 21:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15590748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mag_and_mac/pseuds/mag_and_mac
Summary: Some nights he wondered if he could bleed to death from the shallow cuts on his wrist.Some nights he wondered if he already had.





	All Else

Some days he couldn’t sleep. He would blame it on the city. The bustling metropolis of New York had streetlights so bright they illuminated his room too much for him to have any fighting chance of slumber. Some days he would stay up until three in the morning catching up on homework because his patrol ran too long.

May worked the night shift now. It paid better. He could hear her close the door at two in the morning with a slow gentleness akin to how a mother would lay down her child, so as not to wake him because she didn’t know he was still fighting his mind to understand basic physics concepts.

But that’s how it was because he would rather drop dead from exhaustion and undernourishment than give up the suit.

Tony had asked about the weight he had dropped. Karen had tipped him off that he wasn’t eating. He had made a somewhat inappropriate inquiry as to if it was because of money troubles, but Peter did not take offense. He knew Mr. Stark would never purposefully be rude to him, and that’s just how he was. Because Tony Stark was Iron Man, the larger than life billionaire who had no qualms about what was right or wrong so long as it did not affect him. He had no boundaries. He was free. 

Peter wasn’t free. He had thought that he would escape all the tormenting and bullying when he transferred to Midtown. He thought everyone there would be smart like he was, so everyone would be equal. But no; He was wrong, as per usual. Flash decided that the worthless Penis Parker would have to suffer as he deserved. He trapped Peter in a mob of his mindless followers to punish him for whatever misdeed he had orchestrated. He had always been trapped. School, finances, his stupid luck that seemed to kill off everyone he cared about. Even his only method of escape was monitored by an AI that liked to snitch about his lack of self-care, and unless he felt it stifling enough to go around swinging in pajamas again, he would have to put up with it.

So he bled. He could not decide where mugger would stab him, or where a mutant would throw a punch. He could not determine when people left him before he was ready. But he could decide how deep the little red lines he made with May’s old razor were. He could choose how many he made, and when he made them, and if he wanted to stop. He was in complete control. In the beginning, he made himself a promise that he would not die from his unfortunate habit. Sometimes he regretted that.

When Mr. Stark commented how he had become more subdued since they first met, he said nothing.

He knew what was happening. Ever since he added to his nightly routine, he had become more tired. More angry. He knew what was happening. It was creeping up on him.

He had never been truly happy. The hand life dealt him made sure of that, killing his parents while he was young, and turning him into his uncle’s murderer soon after.

He was a freak. He hated himself.

He wanted to die.

Maybe he was already killing himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten a full night’s rest. Or eaten dinner. The last time he had gone a day without causing himself pain. The cutting was making him so much worse, but, then, why did he feel so much better after he did it?

He knew what was happening. 

But he wasn’t trying to stop it.


End file.
